We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
