ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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