shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
