I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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