he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
