The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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