oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
