Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
