Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
