Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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