he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
