If that was your dad, he is hot
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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