Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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