I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
