I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
