you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
