yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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