Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
