the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
