I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
