chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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