She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
