Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
