Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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