I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
