oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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