very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
