Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
