so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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