ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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