Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
