listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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