Your tits are I can't wait for
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
