I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
