ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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