In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
