when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
