I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
