so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
