her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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