There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
