Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
