so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
