see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
