He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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