I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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