He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
50% drunk capacity currently
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
