Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
