We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
