my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
