I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
