I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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