used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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