I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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