I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
